The Evans Factor
by Violet Redmoor
Summary: MWPP are such good friends that it doesn't seem possible that anything could come between them. They reckoned without Lily Evans. RLLE just after the incident by the lake and over the next summer or so.
1. Tears after midnight

Disclaimer: I wish I was JK Rowling, but my fairy godmother has so far failed to deliver.

Rating: T

A/N: I've never really been a big fan of Remus/Lily, but this one kind of crept up on me and demanded to be written. Doesn't mean I've abandoned my slash-y ways completely ;-) Hope you like.

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Sirius and James might be so confident that they had no need to revise for tomorrow's Transfiguration OWL but Remus was not. Peter, too, needed the last minute revision. They sat in their usual seats by the fire in the common room, muttering to each other about incantations and wand movements, Remus trying to explain a complicated theory to Peter without being one hundred percent sure of it himself – Remus was sure he caught James listening in to that one, despite his apparent confidence – and Peter filling him in on the finer points of the Animagus spell. When James and Sirius announced they were for bed, neither Peter nor Remus managed more than a vague grunt of acknowledgement as they continued to flick through notes and books. The common room was almost empty; a couple of seventh year girls also cramming in some last minute revision were over by the windows, and a pack of gossiping third years were the only other occupants.

After another half hour of frantic skim-reading, Peter's head and eyes were drooping.

"Sorry, Moony, I'm done in," he said eventually, yawning. "Surely we can't have much left to do?"

"Hmm? Toadstools, I think." There was a pause while Peter considered this, frowning.

Remus replayed the last few seconds of conversation. "Oh. That's not what you asked, is it?" Peter shook his head, and Remus sighed. "Perhaps we have been at this too long now. I just want to check this. . ."

"Don't mind if I leave you to it, do you?"

"Hmm? No, it's fine. I won't be long." Peter nodded, yawned again. Remus had already turned his attention back to his book as Peter stretched, gathered up his things and headed towards the boys' staircase. By the time the footsteps faded he was yawning himself. What time was it? He should have asked Pete before he went; he didn't have a watch. Well, he only had one or two last things to look up, then he would join his friends in the dormitory. . .

He woke with a start to a common room that was now completely empty and groaned. How late was it now? He was going to be in no state for the exam tomorrow, and he hadn't even finished his revision. Well, there was no point in trying to finish now; there was no way he would take any of it in. He would just have to get what sleep he could and hope he was feeling reasonably alert in the morning. How could he do this for Transfiguration, of all things? If he'd fallen asleep before Defence, or Charms, he'd have been cross, but still fairly confident about the exam. Transfiguration. . . well, it wasn't his worst subject, but he wanted to take it at NEWT level and he knew he'd have to push himself to get a good enough grade. . . maybe McGonagall would take pity on him if he only just missed. . . Ha! She was fair and she seemed to like him, but she was the strictest teacher in the school. Sirius would commit to a life of celibacy before McGonagall would bend the rules.

As he started to gather up his books – the one he had been reading had fallen open to the floor, cracking the spine – he realised there were voices coming from the corridor outside. That must be what had woken him. Well, whatever time it was it was well past curfew, and however tired he was he had responsibilities. . . He had been so pleased to receive the prefect badge but there had been many times since when he wondered if it was more trouble than it was worth.

Before he could get up and reprimand the errant student, though, the portrait door slammed shut; it seemed his intervention would not be needed after all. He returned gratefully to the task of collecting his belongings, but stopped again when he heard the quiet but unmistakeable sound of crying. He looked over the back of the chair and saw a girl sitting right by the entrance to the common room, her face and her tears buried in her hands.

Oh hell - it was Lily. He guessed that the other voice he heard had been Snape. This was clearly the fall-out from James and Sirius' oh-so-hilarious attack on Snape that afternoon.

He couldn't just leave her there crying. He disentangled himself from the chair and books, and took a few cautious steps towards her.

"Lily?"

She looked up quickly. "Oh, it's you," she said, wiping at her eyes and forcing a smile. "I thought everyone had gone to bed. . . "

"I fell asleep," he said, gesturing towards his seat. "Um . . . are you all right?"

"Fine," she said, waving a hand as if to dismiss the question, but her voice wobbled, and he wouldn't have been convinced even if he couldn't see tear tracks on her cheeks and more welling up in her eyes. "I was just . . . you know . . . "

"Want to talk about it?"

She shook her head but she was clearly crying again, and bit her lip as she turned away to hide it. He grimaced, took his pitiful excuse for Gryffindor courage in his hands, and sat next to her. "It's ok, Lily." She avoided his eyes, trying desperately to hold in her sobs. "Lily, I may not be very good at this," he said, putting his arm awkwardly around her shoulders, "But you've been there for me enough times, so whatever you need, I'm here. If you want to talk, or scream, or punch something, or even if you just want to cry on my shoulder and get my robes all wet, that's fine."

He thought he made out a slight, gurgling chuckle from amongst the tears. "I think I may have to take you up on that last one," she gasped, tears streaming down her face now, turning to bury them in his shoulder.

For a good thirty seconds he just held her and let her cry. One hand crept up unbidden to stroke her hair; she didn't seem to mind. "Snape?" he asked, as kindly as he could. She nodded into his shoulder. "I'm really sorry about that. I should have tried to stop them. . ." It was unlikely they would have listened, but at least if he had tried he wouldn't feel so bad about it.

"Not your fault," she whispered, straightening up a little to look at him. "I mean. . . Oh, I was so angry with Potter and Black, but it was what Severus said. . . you couldn't have done anything about that."

"If I'd stopped them you wouldn't have had to hear it."

"But he would still have been thinking it, and that's what hurts. It would still have been there, waiting to slip out. I've known him since we were kids, Remus! How long have I been just another filthy little Mudblood. . ." her voice cracked on the word and she hid her face again. "If that's what he thought why did he still talk to me?" she said, her voice muffled now, and her hair tickling his neck as she spoke. "I just don't understand. I don't think we're going to make it up, this time. He tried to apologise, but. . . I told him I didn't want to hear it. He can't take it back now it's been said. And I've had my doubts for a while. . . Those friends of his!"

"We've had. . . run-ins," said Remus by way of agreement. "And Sirius is related to a couple of them; that should tell you all you need to know."

That made her laugh, and she smiled up at him. "Thanks for this, Remus."

"Any time. You've done the same for me."

"Without the tears, though."

"Still counts."

He was ready to give her one last hug and suggest they get the sleep they both needed, but at that very second he heard voices – three instantly recognisable voices – and the sound of people clattering down the stairs.


	2. Angry words

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, any of the characters etc, etc etc

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His first thought was to move away from Lily before they saw him sitting with her and jumped to the wrong conclusions. But then she would think that he was doing it because he was embarrassed to be sitting with her, and that would probably upset her again. . . Before he could make a decision, Sirius appeared at the entrance to the common room, and stopped abruptly.

"Oh. . ." He half turned as if to stop the others coming down, but they were only a fraction of a second behind and neither of them could do anything but wait for the explosion as Peter and then James joined him.

"Moony, have you fallen asleep down here or something? You do know what time. . . " James trailed off as he saw them. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," said Remus, far too quickly. He glanced guiltily down at Lily and got to his feet, moving a few steps away. "Just. . . talking." Lily had stopped crying, but now her eyes had narrowed in a disturbingly McGonagall-like fashion, which was distinctly worse.

"What's it to you?" she said icily, also getting up, and coming to stand next to him. He edged away slightly, but stopped when she glared at him too. The tear marks and puffy eyes did nothing to make her any less intimidating. "Jealous?"

"There's nothing to be jealous of," said Remus hastily. "Lily, please don't pick a fight with him. . ."

James laughed. "Nah, let her, Moony; nothing sets me up for the day like a good row with Evans."

Remus could almost feel the anger rolling off of Lily. "You really are unbearable! This is all your fault anyway!"

"How do you figure that one?" James asked, still sounding amused, but Lily had got up some momentum and continued straight over him. Sirius and Peter were looking back and forth between them.

"And you were jealous, weren't you? You saw me sitting with Remus. . ." he winced and continued staring at his feet. He'd been wondering when he would get dragged back into this. ". . . and you can't stand it that I'll talk to him but not you. . ."

"You can _talk _to whoever you want, Evans."

"You're pathetic!" Faces were starting to appear behind James and Peter on the stairs now, wondering what all the noise was about; there were people coming down the girls staircase, too, muttering to themselves. "Absolutely pathetic, you know that?"

Remus made another desperate attempt to stop this before it got out of hand. "Lily, he's just trying to wind you up, please. . ."

"Don't you stick up for him!"

"I wasn't. . ." but she didn't seem to even hear him.

"He walks in and jumps straight to the worst conclusion. . ."

James' snort of laughter drew her attention back to him. "Oh, come off it!" he said. "With _Moony_?"

That was rather more hurtful than he'd expected, and from Lily's intake of breath and quick glance at him, she realised it too. Even Sirius and Peter looked a bit taken aback. There were really quite a lot of people out of bed and staring now, including Lily's friends and a bunch of angry-looking seventh years. He knew his face was bright red, but he didn't dare try and get out of the spotlight; that would probably set James _and _Lily off again.

Lily drew in a deep breath and Remus tensed himself for the explosion. Sure enough, her voice had risen to a shriek of rage as she opened her mouth again.

"How _dare_ you! You arrogant pig! And you," she said, rounding on Remus so unexpectedly that he flinched, and several spectators giggled. "Why do you let them talk to you like that?"

". . . my friends," he muttered, so quietly that he wasn't sure if she heard him.

"Get over it, Evans," snapped Sirius, his first contribution to the argument. "You weren't doing anything with Moony, so Prongs is right, whether you like the way he says it or not."

"And I suppose you think the same, do you?"

Sirius looked at her for a second, then at Remus, then shrugged. "Well, yeah, I suppose so. He's hardly beating girls off with a stick. Sorry, mate, but you're not, are you?"

Remus refused to meet their eyes. However true it was, it really didn't need to be stated so baldly in front of so many people.

"The whole lot of you are just such. . . such. . ." She seemed to be too angry for words; she took another deep breath, drew herself up and said, loudly, "For your information, I would choose Remus over any of you!" That surprised him enough to look up at her; she was red in the face, fists clenched and glaring at them. James, Sirius and Peter looked just as surprised. James shook it off first.

"Yeah, whatever, Evans," he laughed, "You don't mean that." Remus knew that James was being cruel as payback for him sitting with his arm round Lily – the girl James saw as rightfully his – but that didn't stop it hurting. He didn't have a more than a second to think it, though, because Lily had suddenly grabbed him, pulled him towards her and was kissing him.

In front of almost the whole of Gryffindor. Including James. Who was going to kill him.

That aside, it was quite nice.

Actually, it was really very nice. He put an arm around her without thinking about it, and then pulled it back immediately before James really did kill him. When she'd finished she still seemed to be glaring at him, but he thought there was a smile somewhere there to. He had to fight to keep a stupid grin off his own face. Someone wolf-whistled; ordinarily he would have suspected Sirius but somehow he didn't think it likely in the current situation. James wasn't going to be shy in sharing out his anger, and Sirius was within punching distance.

It did remind him that they had an audience, however. He looked away from Lily to see that most people were gaping in amazement. How flattering; the entire house seemed to have agreed with James.

"What are you all staring at? Go on, get back to bed before I dock points off the lot of you," he snapped, ignoring the voice in his head calling him a shameful hypocrite. He was amazed his voice still worked, to be honest. He glared at a pack of first years for good measure, and people started filtering away. "I mean it," he added, though it was difficult to sound appropriately stern while still fighting the stupid grin. James shot him a very dirty look but turned and headed back up the stairs without another word, followed by Peter. Sirius lingered a second or two longer, looking at him as if he was expecting an explanation, but eventually he too left in silence, and he was left alone with Lily.

"I'm sorry," she said as soon as he looked at her. She was as bright red as him. "You probably hated that. . . I was just so angry, and you looked so upset. . . I'm not helping, am I?"

"That's the weirdest reason I've ever heard for kissing someone." He couldn't be angry with her, though.

She grimaced. "I suppose it must be. I didn't mean it quite like that. . ."

"We should really get to bed as well," he suggested when she tailed off. "Exam tomorrow."

She nodded. "Perhaps I can talk to you afterwards?"

He felt himself go pink again. "Um. . . Yeah, ok."


	3. The morning after

Disclaimer: Harry Potter, Remus, Sirius, James and the rest all belong to J K Rowling, I'm just having some fun with them

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Someone was shaking him. He was so tired that it took a good thirty seconds for this fact to penetrate his mind, and about the same again before he could act on it by opening his eyes and blinking myopically at the figure silhouetted against bright morning sunshine. His eyes fluttered shut again of their own accord; even lifting a finger seemed physically impossible against the weight of sleep pressing down on him. The shaking started again, more forcefully, and he tried to find some way to express his exhaustion so that it would stop.

"Hnuh?" It was the best he could come up with, but just didn't seem to do the situation justice.

"It's eight in the morning, Moony." This baffling statement settled slowly into his brain and then sank without trace.

"We have an exam in an hour's time," added his as-yet-unidentified assailant, giving up on the shaking and instead punching him in the side.

"Ow!" He opened his eyes again, and managed to drag a hand up to his face to rub at them. It didn't help, but _exam_ was reverberating in his skull as if it was important.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake. . . Don't think I'm doing this for you every time you stay out too late with your girlfriend. . . _aguamenti_!" A jet of icy cold water hit him squarely in the face and accomplished what nothing else so far had, startling him into sitting up, spluttering. He squinted against the sunlight streaming through the dormitory window, and finally recognised Sirius.

He shook water from his hair and glowered at him.

"I brought you some breakfast." Sirius held out a napkin-wrapped bundle of toast and a steaming mug of tea. It was a thoughtful gesture of the sort that were usually restricted to the morning after full moon, and was therefore completely at odds with Sirius' disgruntled tone of voice, the hands on his hips, and the scowl being directed at Remus.

He swallowed his mouthful. "What?"

"Prongs is in a foul mood. You're not the one who has to try and deal with him."

Remus looked around the room in surprise, realising belatedly that he and Sirius were its only occupants.

"He was all for letting you oversleep and miss the exam but I figured that was probably a little harsh," continued Sirius grumpily. "You have no idea the hell I got off him when he realised I was coming back up for you."

They would have let him oversleep? Suddenly everything came crashing down into place and he choked on his toast. He threw himself back down onto the bed, and covered his face with the soggy pillow.

"Oh. . . _bollocks_! That all actually happened, didn't it?"

Sirius laughed so hard he had to clutch the bedpost to support himself. "I don't know what's funnier," he said eventually, tears of laughter still leaking out of the corners of his eyes. "The look on your face when you remembered, or the fact that bollocks was the worst swear word you could think of!"

"Thanks a bloody bunch, Padfoot. Now tell me. . . " but the words were interrupted by a yawn so huge it felt like his face would crack in two. _Exam_, a small, sensible corner of his mind reminded him, and he cursed into the pillow again. How was he going to get through Transfiguration when he had all this other stuff to think about and could barely keep his eyes open? "Oh hell. This could quite possibly be the worst day of my life." He tried to buy himself time by reaching for his tea and sipping it, but that did not help; it caught in his throat, burning, his eyes watered and steam poured out of his ears.

"What the hell was in that?"

"Pepper-Up Potion," said Sirius nonchalantly. "I've been saving it for a special occasion, but I figured your need was greater than mine, in the circumstances."

"Pepper-Up Potion? Padfoot, where. . . Did you steal that from the hospital wing?"

"Yeah, ages ago. Like I said, I've been saving it, but it'll get you through the exam, at least." He hesitated, and shrugged awkwardly. "I know how much you worry about this one, and look, I'm sorry for not helping you study yesterday."

Another unexpected kindness. Not that Sirius wasn't kind, when the mood took him, he just seemed so careless with them all that it always came as a surprise to realise he'd put real thought into something.

"Doesn't it count as cheating, taking potions. . . "

"Only if they're to make you smarter or something. This is just to wake you up, it won't count. It's just like drinking a really strong cup of coffee."

"I don't know. . . " But it seemed to have worked a treat; he felt almost alert after that one mouthful. He took another sip; since he was expecting it this time, his reaction was not so bad. "I guess you're right. Thanks, Padfoot. How long have we got?"

"About twenty minutes, I reckon. Look, I'm going now, all right?" He sounded uncomfortable and Remus understood. James was Sirius' best friend; they were closer than any of the other Marauders. Sirius had helped him out against James' wishes, but he didn't want to make James even crosser.

"'kay," he said, already getting out of bed and rummaging for a clean set of school robes. He heard the door shut behind Sirius, and sighed. This was going to be a really long day.


	4. Divisions

Disclaimer: If I was JK Rowling, I wouldn't be having to put off my real work to write this.

A/N: This chapter turned out quite long, but I like it.

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Most of the year was already seated in the Great Hall when Remus clattered down the marble staircase and through the doors with barely two minutes left. Professor McGonagall raised a displeased eyebrow in his direction; he pretended not to see as he took his place, catching his breath. Lily gave him a timid smile, which he returned, trying not to notice James glowering a little further down the hall. Sirius nodded to him while James was preoccupied; Peter didn't seem to know quite where to look. Had he been forbidden to talk to Remus? More likely he just knew how angry James was, and was taking the opportunity to get on his good side.

Only one desk was still empty. The Hufflepuff whose seat it was – Malcolm Abbott – hurried in a few seconds later, even more breathless than he had been and looking rather panicked as she scurried the full length of the Hall to her desk at the front.

"Turn over your papers; you have two hours from now," said McGonagall loudly as poor Malcolm hastily got out his quill and ink.

Remus took a deep, calming breath and turned to the first question. _Explain, with examples, why Switching Spells are more difficult when performed on living creatures._ He stared at it, horrified, for a few seconds, and then heard Professor McGonagall's brisk voice at the back of his head, explaining that very thing. He dipped his quill into the ink bottle, and began to write.

One hour and fifty minutes later, he put his quill down on the last question, and sighed to himself. Even with the Pepper-Up Potion his eyes were starting to feel heavy again, but he forced himself to turn back to the start and re-read his answers. Just as well; he'd mistaken Billick's First Law for Baldwin's Second, forgotten the side-effects of partial Vanishment and got the order of the stages completely mixed up in the Transfiguration of a ferret into a flute. He only managed to get as far as re-reading question twenty-three before time was up, but closed the paper feeling that it could have gone much worse. He was always going to be scraping through if he got the Exceeds Expectations he needed, but he'd given himself as good a chance as he thought he could, and last night didn't seem to have thrown him too far off track.

"You may go," said McGonagall. The hall filled instantly with the sound of a hundred chairs scraping on the polished floor. A babble of voices slowly rose as people gathered their friends on the way out, some reliving the exam, others planning their celebrations that it was over. He hesitated; James was already heading out of the room, Sirius at his side and Peter hurrying after. Sirius looked back and caught Remus' eye, he grimaced and beckoned for him to follow them, grabbing James' arm and talking hurriedly as he did. Peter followed his gaze and gave Remus a slight smile, though only after checking that James wasn't watching.

Somehow, whatever Sirius said to James convinced him to stop and wait, though the look he gave Remus as he approached was far from welcoming. Remus gave him a nervous smile, one hand clenched into a fist in his robes. He would even let James hex him if it made him feel better about this mess, he decided. He wondered if he might regret that decision; James knew some pretty awful hexes. Lily. . . God, Lily was wonderful, but his friends meant so much to him, and if he lost James he lost Peter, and even Sirius, maybe, wouldn't be able to keep up this go-between act forever.

He was barely five paces away and had even opened his mouth for a greeting – _hey, guys_ was about all he could think of at the moment, but at least it was neutral – when their eyes suddenly widened, James' face set back into an expression of furious contempt, and Sirius glared daggers over Remus' shoulder. He turned around hurriedly to see Lily hovering behind him, looking unaccountably nervous, her shaky smile making her look utterly adorable. Stop it, he ordered himself; you can't think about her like that.

"Um. . . can I have a word, Remus? Please."

"I. . . ah. . ." He glanced guiltily at his three best friends, or as he strongly suspected was the case, his only best friend and two former friends. Lily looked slightly upset. "Oh. No, it's all right, I. . ."

"Don't worry about us, Moony," said James, his voice cold, and loud enough that everyone in the hall had surely heard. Certainly some of the nearest had turned to look. "You go with your _girlfriend_." He poured a world of scorn into that one word, so much that Remus actually flinched against it. There was a crash behind him, and he turned again to see that Snape was among the listening crowd. He had dropped his school bag and his face was even whiter than normal as his eyes darted between Remus and Lily. Lily saw him too, and her mouth thinned, not angrily as it had last night, but as if she was fighting more tears.

"We're not. . . You _know_ we're not. . ." but there was no mercy in James' expression, and as uncomfortable as Sirius looked, Remus knew better than to think he was going to get any help from that quarter. Sirius wouldn't drop him because James was worked up over this, but if it came to picking a side between the two of them, he knew whose side it would be. There was no point even looking at Peter.

He looked back at Lily, tried to pretend he couldn't see the horrible, stricken expression on Snape's face, gritted his teeth, and said "Come on, then, let's go." Her expression picked up, only slightly, but enough for him to think maybe this was worth it. "I'll see you later," he said to the others as he and Lily walked past them. He couldn't make his voice as cold as James, but he did a passable impression of not caring.

"Don't count on it," he heard James retort, behind him, as the remaining three Marauders walked off in a purposefully different direction. He felt his shoulders tense up but gritted his teeth even harder and refused to falter or look back. He could be just as stubborn as James, if he wanted, and he _hadn't done anything wrong!_

Only when they were well out of sight did he allow himself to stop. He closed his eyes, one hand gripped in his hair as if he'd pull a great handful out to wake him up from what must surely be a bad dream. And then he opened his eyes, saw Lily watching him anxiously, and thought that if it was a dream, this might not be the bit to wake up from.

"I'm really sorry," she said, her voice trembling slightly. "I've messed everything up for you, haven't I? I really didn't think Potter would take it so badly. . . This is all my fault."

"No need to apologise," he said, surprised to find he meant it. "Sometimes I think you're right about him, you know. Well, not about everything, he's really not as bad as you think, but he does need to grow up." He smiled at her – that at least was easy to do – and started walking again, more slowly. "You wanted to talk?"

"Yeah. . . Can we stop somewhere? Sit down?"

"There's a nice spot on the bank of the lake," he suggested. "A little further this way." Not the place beneath the beech tree where the Marauders made their camp every summer, but a more secluded, quiet spot where he often came to think after a full moon. The others knew about it – they'd found him there a few times – but it was not somewhere they would go unless they were looking for him, and that was the last thing they'd be doing now. And it was far enough from the beech tree that whatever trouble they caused today would not disturb Remus and Lily.

They chatted aimlessly – about the exams, what subjects they wanted to take at N.E.W.T. level – their voices full of forced lightness and yet still somehow enjoying the conversation, until they reached Remus' place. It was by a small, still corner of the lake, where most of the school grounds couldn't be seen, on a gently sloping bank, among a small group of young willows. The Whomping Willow was visible beyond them; this place was exactly the right distance from its secret tunnel for Remus to be able to stagger after a transformation.

"Oh, this is really pretty!" exclaimed Lily, as he offered her a seat on the warm grass with a theatrical bow.

"I like it," he shrugged, sitting next to her. Close enough to seem friendly, but not too close. He didn't want to seem like he was assuming anything. After all, one kiss in very difficult circumstances didn't mean. . . well, anything, really. He and Lily were friends. Always had been.

"So. . ." he prompted after they had sat in companionable silence for a few seconds while Lily smiled over the lake.

Her smile faded as she turned back to him, though he was relieved to see that she didn't look unhappy, as such, just a little more serious. _But I'm Sirius!_ cried a familiar voice in the back of his mind. He hid a smirk at the thought; Sirius had infected them all with that terrible pun, none of them could help it now.

"Well. . . about last night, obviously. I didn't mean to. . . well, to kiss you. I just wanted to make sure that you were. . . okay with it."

"It was very nice, thank you," he said without thinking, and then blushed crimson. So had she. "Um. . . I mean. . ." He stammered to a halt. He didn't know himself what he had meant, so there was no way he was going to be able to explain it to Lily. Best to stop now before he dug himself too big a hole to get out of.

"Oh. Well, um. . . thank you. I. . . ah. . . I kind of enjoyed it as well, I suppose. . ." Her blush, which had faded, returned in full strength as he turned a surprised look to her. "Um. . . no, that's not what I meant. . . I mean. . . No, I did enjoy it, I didn't meant to say I wasn't sure. . . I'm really terrible at this, aren't I?" she finished lamely.

He had to fight not to laugh. Who ever would have thought that he would feel comfortable enough to want to laugh in a situation like this? He would have imagined feeling horribly awkward, barely able to look up from his feet. Like the date he had been on with Christine Gillery from Ravenclaw, when he had run out of words after _hello_ and then frozen when she had tried to kiss him goodnight. He was still astonished that she had actually _wanted_ to kiss him goodnight, the evening had been so awkward. "Well, I still don't know what you actually meant to say," he said, "but you're very cute when you blush, so it's not been a complete failure."

That surprised a laugh out of her, though it didn't do anything for either of their red cheeks, and they flashed each other embarrassed grins. Perhaps it was just because it was Lily, who he had known and liked and been able to tease like this for ages. And to be honest, compared to some of the things she had witnessed – the heap of misery he had been reduced to when his friends had found out his secret, the quivering wreck after the Christine Incident, the fact that he had actually _admitted_ to her what he was – this could hardly be the worst she had seen of him.

"Oh. Well, that's good," she managed. "I'd hate to be making a fool of myself _and_ look hideous. You're quite cute when you blush as well, you know." Which of course had exactly the same effect on him as it had on her, and they both had to look away, giggling, at the ridiculousness of the situation. "In fact," she continued, her voice sounding braver now that she _wasn't_ looking at him, "You're quite cute most of the time, as it happens. You know I like you, right, Remus?"

The apparent change of direction took him by surprise. "Er. . . yes?"

"No, I mean _like_ you, like you. Um." Her voice went higher, and though she still wasn't looking at him, he could see that she was as red as she had ever been. "Fancy you. You know."

"Oh. Well, I didn't. Although, thinking about it, after last night I'm not entirely sure how it had escaped my notice. . ."

She laughed, breathlessly, and gave him a friendly punch on the arm. It hurt much less than Sirius' friendly punches, he noticed. He didn't for one minute think it was because Lily was a girl – he had seen James sporting black eyes on many an occasion, and once Sirius' too – so she must have been holding back for him. "Be serious, will you," she said, and again he had to bite back the joke. "I'm _trying_ to ask you out here."

"Oh." The full import of that hit him a few seconds late. "_Oh_. You. . . um. . . you are?"

"Yes, silly, didn't I just say so?"

"Oh. Well. Um. . ."

"I mean," she said hurriedly, "If you don't want to that's fine, I won't get weird about it. And, you know, after Potter's reaction to just that silly kiss, I wouldn't blame you if you thought it was a bad idea. . ."

That jolted him back into conscious thought; he found he had just been staring – gaping, even – at her in surprise. And oddly enough, that was what made up his mind. He didn't want James to hate him for the rest of his life, and there was a realistic chance of that, he thought. But if he was going to not go out with Lily, then it would be for a damn better reason than because James fancied her.

"No. . . I. . . I'd like that." And she broke into a wide smile as the stupid grin found its way back onto his face.

Their second kiss would have been miles better than the first simply by virtue of the fact that it didn't have an audience of thirty or so Gryffindors, and that he didn't have to worry about being jinxed out of it by an angry James. He would have been happy enough – very happy, in fact – just with that. But he almost felt that he could drown in Lily's red hair, melt into her soft lips, and he wondered whether it was supposed to be this good. And from the contented little sigh she gave as she pulled away and rested her head on his shoulder, she thought it was all right as well.

So he sat looking over the lake with arm around his first girlfriend and her hair tickling his cheek, and gave up fighting the stupid grin. He looked down at Lily and wondered whether a third kiss would be better still. There was only one way to find out.


End file.
